She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
