Your dad touched me again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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