Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I just sharted jello shots
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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