I got chris browned last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
