I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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