hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
