Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
did i just pee glitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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