Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
