If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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