i don't like sucking hair
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
