one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
