I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
