i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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