Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
