I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
