I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
