If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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