He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
