Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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