Your face is a jimmy john
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
