My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
