if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
