you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
