No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
