mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
