My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
