My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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