he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
