Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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