I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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