The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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