Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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