i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
