she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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