got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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