I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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