It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
