You're completely useless in the revolution.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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