I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
