okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
