There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
