hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
