Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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