Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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