I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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