What did we do last night that was yellow?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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