So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
