I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
