dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
