i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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