oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
