We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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