I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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