I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
