his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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