Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
