David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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