Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
