had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
