if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
