I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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